Members Sharing Area
Please Share Your Experience, Strength and Hope with Us!
Please Share Your Experience, Strength and Hope with Us!
I Tried Everything
As I reflect on my early days of recovery, I realize how thankful I am for Al‑Anon. I did what many other members did with their alcoholics—emptied out liquor bottles, yelled, screamed, cried, and begged him to stop drinking. I spent many sleepless nights wondering who was going to find out about my problems or worried he was going to kill someone while driving drunk. I was afraid to go shopping or travel with friends for fear something would happen while I was gone. I tried daily to reason with him, but to no avail. The lies he told were hurtful, and yet he had a way of convincing me he could or would stop: “Just one more chance, pleeeeease,” he would beg.
One day, after several months in Al‑Anon, I was sitting on my porch and realized I could hear the birds singing and children laughing. I felt serenity and peace for the first time in my life. I finally realized there was nothing I could do to make him stop drinking. I am blessed to have Al‑Anon in my life, and I will “Keep Coming Back.”
By Mary S.
Do You Love Me Today?
Growing up in an alcoholic home, I lived amidst instability and insecurity daily. Unlike children who grew up being told they were loved “to the moon and back,” or “this much” by someone with arms spread wide, I would ask my mother, “Do you love me today?” only to be answered with a shrug of her shoulders and, “Eh, same as usual.” She died when I was 15, and I never got a different answer.
When my son’s drinking grew out of control, I retaliated with all the fury that had gone unexpressed in my childhood. I lectured, punished, and bargained with God. I searched my son’s room; snooped in his drawers, closet, and car; rifled his pockets; tested him; and tried to smell his breath when he came close. I cajoled, belittled, and threatened. He lied, stole, and retreated to his room. He was angry and shut me out completely. It seemed I’d lost him. Only when I realized I was losing myself did things begin to change.
In Al‑Anon, I learned to start taking care of myself and loving myself. Progress was slow at first because I thought I was unlovable. I felt like a failed daughter and mother. But as I became more aware of how my behaviors transferred my pain to my son, I began to change, to pull back and let him have the dignity and self-determination he is entitled to.
Recently, my son told me he’d tried heroin several months ago. He waited for my response. I waited for my Higher Power. Instead of being angry or upset or hurt, I looked into his eyes and saw my little boy, my son. I heard myself say, “Thank you for sharing that. Thank you for trusting me. I love you; I always have, and I always will.”
Before Al‑Anon, I never would have been able to hear that what he was really saying was, “Do you love me today?”
By Deirdre B.
From The Forum, November 2022
Reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al‑Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Virginia Beach, VA.
Click here to share your experience, strength and hope with others via the Forum or you can send your sharing to the District 5 Web Coordinator for posting here only.
Remember, "... it is possible for us to find contentment, and even happiness, whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not"
As I reflect on my early days of recovery, I realize how thankful I am for Al‑Anon. I did what many other members did with their alcoholics—emptied out liquor bottles, yelled, screamed, cried, and begged him to stop drinking. I spent many sleepless nights wondering who was going to find out about my problems or worried he was going to kill someone while driving drunk. I was afraid to go shopping or travel with friends for fear something would happen while I was gone. I tried daily to reason with him, but to no avail. The lies he told were hurtful, and yet he had a way of convincing me he could or would stop: “Just one more chance, pleeeeease,” he would beg.
One day, after several months in Al‑Anon, I was sitting on my porch and realized I could hear the birds singing and children laughing. I felt serenity and peace for the first time in my life. I finally realized there was nothing I could do to make him stop drinking. I am blessed to have Al‑Anon in my life, and I will “Keep Coming Back.”
By Mary S.
Do You Love Me Today?
Growing up in an alcoholic home, I lived amidst instability and insecurity daily. Unlike children who grew up being told they were loved “to the moon and back,” or “this much” by someone with arms spread wide, I would ask my mother, “Do you love me today?” only to be answered with a shrug of her shoulders and, “Eh, same as usual.” She died when I was 15, and I never got a different answer.
When my son’s drinking grew out of control, I retaliated with all the fury that had gone unexpressed in my childhood. I lectured, punished, and bargained with God. I searched my son’s room; snooped in his drawers, closet, and car; rifled his pockets; tested him; and tried to smell his breath when he came close. I cajoled, belittled, and threatened. He lied, stole, and retreated to his room. He was angry and shut me out completely. It seemed I’d lost him. Only when I realized I was losing myself did things begin to change.
In Al‑Anon, I learned to start taking care of myself and loving myself. Progress was slow at first because I thought I was unlovable. I felt like a failed daughter and mother. But as I became more aware of how my behaviors transferred my pain to my son, I began to change, to pull back and let him have the dignity and self-determination he is entitled to.
Recently, my son told me he’d tried heroin several months ago. He waited for my response. I waited for my Higher Power. Instead of being angry or upset or hurt, I looked into his eyes and saw my little boy, my son. I heard myself say, “Thank you for sharing that. Thank you for trusting me. I love you; I always have, and I always will.”
Before Al‑Anon, I never would have been able to hear that what he was really saying was, “Do you love me today?”
By Deirdre B.
From The Forum, November 2022
Reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al‑Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Virginia Beach, VA.
Click here to share your experience, strength and hope with others via the Forum or you can send your sharing to the District 5 Web Coordinator for posting here only.
Remember, "... it is possible for us to find contentment, and even happiness, whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not"
Are you interested in submitting your sharings? Would you like some helpful guidelines?
Start here for guidelines from the World Service Office. Here is another helpful resource.
Start here for guidelines from the World Service Office. Here is another helpful resource.
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